One of the most difficult things about prison is the roommate situation. Charlotte was assigned a new roommate a few months ago. Shortly after the other person moved in, she began to spread rumors about Charlotte that weren’t true, tried to get others to harass Charlotte, and then began to steal from her.
Charlotte asked if we could use the decision-making tools she learned during our sessions to figure out how she could take care of herself in this situation. We worked through the process, and when it came to her plan for addressing the situation, she focused on two things. “My roommate must be in a lot of pain from something to act that way. Maybe she never had anyone to teach her right.” Charlotte also knew that she wanted to choose her response and not react. She wanted to act in a way that is faithful to her beliefs.
Charlotte chose to confront her roommate and name exactly what was going on. “I know what you are doing. I have been told the rumors you are spreading. I know you are getting your friends to try to intimidate me. You want me out of the room. I’m not leaving. People see how I act. They know I don’t do the things you say. I want to get along with you, but that’s your choice.”
True to her value system, Charlotte also chose to focus on kindness and building relationship. She regularly asked her roommate if she would like to watch a certain program with her. If she was enjoying something special from canteen, she asked if her roommate would like some.
At first, the roommate went completely silent, not talking at all. Within a matter of days, however, the roommate told her she wanted peace. They’re not the best of friends, but the previous aggressive behaviors have stopped. “She’s like a child who never had a mother, never had any guardrails. Maybe she was put in the room with me so she could feel safe. And maybe God is giving me the chance to prove that my faith is real and that I can live my values even when it's hard.”
There is a lot of abuse in Charlotte’s background. She used to be reactive when others were aggressive. She has found a way to claim what is most important to her and has also become a positive influence for others. I think she also gives us a great example for confronting injustice. “You have to call it out and name the wrong. Then you be kind to the hurting child in the person who is mean.” Words of wisdom from Charlotte. I am grateful to her for giving me permission to share her experience.